Don't be Anger's Fool!

Anger is one of the most misunderstood and misused of all the emotions we experience. This is because anger is an emotional reaction that we feel towards something, instead of being a planned action. It is also because anger is so easy to show - after all, everyone gets angry.

Often, the feelings underlying the anger we are displaying are actually vulnerability and weakness. By displaying the anger, we somehow feel - at least temporarily - that we have some sort of control over our situation.

Anger, and our angry behaviors, is something we learn throughout our lifetimes. This means that since we can learn them, we can un-learn them too, replacing them with much healthier coping patterns. However, to be able to alter these responses of anger, we must first understand what is causing the anger.

Therefore, if you want to stop being anger's fool and take control over your emotions, you need to look into the anger itself that you're feeling.

The first step is to try to identify the type of anger that you experience. There are several types, and you may not be limited to just one style of anger expression.

These types of anger include:

- The Driven "Mad Hatter" Anger - if this is your style, you're prone to fits of anger where you yell, swear, and offer "gestures" when you are frustrated. This is the type of anger so often expressed with "road rage."

- Sulking Anger - if you are expressing this type of anger, you'll shut down and stop communicating with others verbally and non-verbally (eye contact, etc).

- Abuser of Safe Haven Anger - if you use this style of anger, you often take out your frustrations on your family and the ones you love most.

- Distracter Anger - here, you'd express your anger by doing something else to try to forget about the issue bothering you. This can include playing the radio loudly, reading the paper, and refraining from doing other things you dislike such as errands and chores.

- Blaming Anger - here, you'll blame everyone but yourself for the cause of your anger.

- Avenging Anger - if you have this type of anger, you feel that you have the right to seek vengeance by using your anger as an excuse. You're likely to say things such as "he deserved it."

How do you know if your anger is out of control? Look at the following statements and decide if you agree with them or not with a "Yes" or "No." For every "Yes" give yourself 1 point.

1. People have told me that I need to calm down.

2. I feel tense a lot.

3. I find myself saying things other than what's on my mind at work.

4. When you feel upset, you try to escape by watching television, reading, or going to sleep.

5. You drink alcohol or smoke marijuana to calm down.

6. You have trouble getting to sleep.

7. You feel misunderstood or that nobody listens to you.

8. People ask you not to yell or swear so much.

9. Your loved ones say that you're hurting them.

10. Friends aren't calling you up or asking to spend time with you as much.

How did you score?

If you had 0-2 points, your anger is manageable, but you could benefit from some relaxation training. If you scored 3-5 points, your anger is moderate. You should pinpoint the specific things that stress you and work out healthier ways to deal with them. If you scored 6+, your anger is out of control. You have an anger problem, and you will benefit from an anger management program or anger management techniques.

Being aware of your anger is the first step towards controlling it in a healthy way. Don't be anger's fool. Keep it healthy and you'll be much happier.